I have dedicated my life to evidence. My career choices, lifestyle, and past experiences led me to think hyper-critically about information and only accept what can be corroborated as fact and truth. Since I was not raised with religion, the entire idea and concept of the three major monotheistic sects has always proved to be complete BS. And I do not believe this is a matter of opinion.
The problem is, due to my investment in research and writing on the subject, I have a terribly hard time concealing by principles in every day life. I make sure never to discuss religion or politics in the workplace, but my family and few friends are well aware of my stance. Unfortunately, my family equates this with cynicism and depression, as I am a bit of loner anyway, and the few relationships I have or had were not strong and faded fast due to my passionate, principled stances on anything associated with religion.
I am stubborn, and feel like any effort to subdue my feelings on the subject would be a lie and falsely representing myself. But as I get older and want to start a family, I feel as though this opportunity will never present itself because most women at the very least believe in something spiritual, and I can’t seem except anything that is not supported rationally with mounting, authentic evidence. Must I compromise my principles and become agreeable just to attract women? Where are all the atheist women, anyway?
Posted: May 15th 2011
Ophelia Benson www
Uh…if you can’t find an atheist woman, you must not be looking very hard, or at least you’re looking in the wrong places.
In the US, at any rate, most people believe in “something spiritual” but then most people in most places believe a lot of silly things. There are atheist women, I can assure you.
Posted: May 21st 2011
George Locke
Sounds to me like your passion for rationalism borders on hyper-vigilance. You need to relax and find a way to accept the world around you with a bit more equanimity. Cynicism can be a good thing in moderation, but you should open yourself to the possibility that your family is right that you’re taking it too far. (They’re wrong to think that atheism or rationalism per se are cynical or depressing.)
It’s not dishonest to withhold some criticism from people you care about. It’s an important part of maintaining relationships. This is not to say that you should hide your feelings, just that you have to consider others’ feelings as well.
If the dating pool you’re drawing from has few atheists and you haven’t found a way to change that (I assume you’ve tried internet dating), then you are going to have to compromise. No one should expect to find a partner who agrees with him on everything, but this is probably a good thing.
As for “most women”, sweeping generalizations about women as a group are likely to turn off the women you’re trying to meet. Most people are at least a little bit spiritual (in the US, anyway). The idea that women are more irrational than men is a common misogynistic trope. Is it supported by the evidence?
For what it’s worth, even though I hold none of the beliefs, I have found a lot of value in various “spiritual” practices (meditation, yoga, even visions and metaphorical reasoning). I bet you’ll find that someone with a spiritual side can have a lot to offer. If you’re getting to know someone who’s different from you, the ideal is to treat those differences as opportunities for both of you to share and learn. It’s a challenge, but it’s worth it.
Posted: May 20th 2011