How should I tell my parents I'm an atheist?

bitbutter www

I agree with the answers here that emphasize getting to know the subject well, equipping yourself with the knowledge necessary to calmly and assuredly assert your non-belief, if and when you think the time is right.

There are many essays talking about the reasons people reject Christianity that you might find interesting. One example is Richard Carrier’s essay Why I’m not a Christian.

If (and when) you do explain your lack of belief to your parents, it’s probably a good idea to avoid using the word atheist, at least in the beginning. The word is still misunderstood by many believers so it might hurt the discussion more than help it.

Also, try to keep in mind that your objective is not to persuade your parents that their beliefs are false, but to let them know that you have thought the issues through carefully and have good reasons to reject the claims of religion. There is room for ‘agreeing to disagree’ here; for instance what one person considers compelling evidence for Jesus’ resurrection, the other finds unpersuasive.

You might want to let your parents know that you understand how important their religious beliefs are in their lives, and that you don’t want to hurt them—but that you want to be honest with them about your attitude towards the idea of God.

Instead of one all-important conversation in which you make your non-belief known, you might also consider starting to discuss individual ideas related to atheism with your parents, such as the problem of evil. Is the existence of suffering in the world compatible with an all powerful and loving god? You can treat this as an opportunity to find out how your parents think about these questions rather than to state your own views.

Bringing up this kind of subject in a non confrontational way might signal to your parents that you’re thinking carefully about religion, and this may help prepare them for the time when it becomes clear to them that you do not believe.

George Ricker www

Only you know what sort of relationship you have with your parents, and you are the one who will have to live with the consequences of your decision. So this really is one of those questions only you can answer.

What you want to try to avoid is a situation in which your parents interpret your lack of belief as an attack on their beliefs. In declining to participate in some of the activities you’ve cited, you have already given them clues that you may not share all their religious convictions.

If you can live with a situation in which you have to do some things you would prefer not to do, it might be better to just allow matters to evolve. The next time a parent asks you why you don’t want to take part in some religious exercise, you might try asking them why they think it is important for you to do so.

Even if you have to keep your own counsel for now, take the opportunity to learn as much as you can about science, history, philosophy and religion, so that when the time comes to answer questions you will have good, well-thought-out answers. Read books, seek out websites, engage in discussions with others who share your perspective. There are lots of resources available to you (something that has not always been the case for atheists), and you can take advantage of most of them without confronting your parents about it.

All too often, parents put down a teenager’s assertion of atheism as youthful rebellion instead of recognizing that it may simply be the result of increased maturity and thoughtful reflection. That’s much harder to do when the teenager can calmly discuss the issues and back up their positions with solid evidence.

But the most important thing is to continue your own growth as a person. It is no betrayal of your convictions if you have to go along with your parents’ wishes for the time being. When you do think it’s time to declare yourself, try to do so in a non-confrontational manner. Remember, you are asserting your own rights of conscience, your right to be free to believe what you think is valid based on the verdict of your own mind. This is not about attacking anyone else’s values. It is about affirming your own.

Good luck with all of this.

Eric_PK

This is a perfect example of “choose your battles”.

It’s also an example of a decision that you have to make for yourself.

Only you know what happens if you tell your parents, but the effects amongst really religion families can be pretty significant. Lots of yelling, bringing over religious leaders to talk to you, lots of crying, etc. Your parents have the ability to make the next few years of your life pretty horrible if they want.

Or, if you don’t tell them, you have to do a bunch of things that you don’t want to do and which are counter to your beliefs.

As I said, you’re the one who has to decide. I will point out that you can’t untell your parents, so proceed with caution and make sure you have thought things through before you do.

You might want to head over to the Ex-christian life forum at Ex-Christian.Net – you will find lots of teenagers in the same situation you are.

SmartLX

Well, since you’re obviously 15 or turning 15, you’ll have to live with these people a while longer, so do try to be tactful.

It’s always hard to confront people’s long-held beliefs, but if you don’t share them then it’s gonna happen.

“Why” works both ways. Why is anyone who doesn’t believe in God an idiot? Why do your parents believe in God in the first place? Are they good reasons? There are certain assumptions they have probably never had questioned. They could punish you for asking questions, but what good would that do?

Basically you’re trying to get them to understand why someone who’s thought about it might have good reasons not to believe. Once they get that, they’ll be more understanding of your position when they know you’ve thought about it.

It might actually be a good idea to bite the bullet and go to these church classes. Listen and learn, so you know exactly what theological position your parents’ church is aiming for. Ask questions there too. Take your own little notes whenever you hear something fishy, and look them up properly later.

When you finish the course and still come back an atheist, your parents will have to face the fact that they can’t just impose belief on you. You might even find some Bible quotes saying people have to worship of their own accord, for instance Mark 10:14 – “Let the little children come to me…”

I still go to church occasionally, at Easter or Christmas for family purposes. You’re not betraying your atheism by attending a service, it’s just acknowledging a tradition. It’s a tradition you won’t have to follow forever.