I don’t think “soul mate” necessarily has a religious connotation – it more about where there is a person out there that is a perfect match for you.

The problem with those who believe that soul mates exist is not one of religous belief, but one of expectations. If you think that there’s somebody out there where the relationship is easy, you’re confused about the nature of relationships in general – even the best ones take a lot of work.

I’d be wary of women who think that in general. They are destined to be disappointed, or to head off searching for their soul mate when things get tough.

Posted: June 17th 2009

See all questions answered by Eric_PK

Since I don’t believe in souls, I don’t believe in soul mates. In fact, I find the whole notion of there being one “special someone” for each of us to be exceedingly silly.

As far as your specific situation is concerned, the only advice I can offer is to be true to your own convictions. Dishonesty is a lousy foundation for any relationship. That’s true regardless of the age of the people involved.

Posted: June 17th 2009

See all questions answered by George Ricker

There are six billion people in the world. If there is only one perfect mate for each of us, the odds of finding them are astronomical. I find the entire concept silly.

I’ve known many couples who were “soul mates”. They agree on just about everything, are perfectly compatible, deeply in love with each other, and always, always together. They never last. Some make it for years, but always break up in the long run.

There are millions of compatible mates in the world, people who can make each other happy. Limiting your search to that one perfect soul mate is a recipe for unhappiness.

Edited to add: Shorty after writing this I stumbled across this video which explains it better.

Posted: June 17th 2009

See all questions answered by Dave Hitt

Even if there are souls, there probably aren’t unique soulmates. The concept of soulmates was first popularised by Aristophanes (a playwright, not a philosopher) around 400 BC, and wasn’t used as a serious religious doctrine until Theosophy in the 19th century. Not believing in soulmates doesn’t peg you as an atheist, and it doesn’t necessarily spring from your atheism either.

The issue is the same whether there are souls or not. There is no substantive support whatsoever for the idea that there is just one perfect partner for everyone in the whole world. People who think they have found their soulmate have not exhausted the rest of the population to make sure nobody out there is just as compatible, or more. They have simply assumed that they will not do better because the current relationship is going so well.

Religion aside, I dislike the soulmate concept intensely. If one’s perceived soulmate eventually turns out to be selfish, or dishonest, or abusive, or if he/she leaves or dies, one may despair of finding another partner and resign oneself to an unhappy life.

Coming back to your specific issues with women, you can simply explain that your idea of worth does not depend on the presence of a soul, let alone soulmateship. Humans are animals, but look what those animals can do: walk on the moon, write poetry, play beautiful music. We’re worthy animals.

A girl doesn’t have to be a soulmate to be special to you. Each one is unique in the whole universe, with her own amazing qualities (when you think about them). That’s a good preamble to giving specific compliments; let the girl know exactly why she’s special.

Posted: June 16th 2009

See all questions answered by SmartLX