If an atheist visits a church with friends/family or if they’re all out to eat or something and they asked him to join hands and pray should he do it to be polite even thought he doesn’t believe? Is it rude if he declines?
Posted: January 19th 2010
Paula Kirby
There is no 'should’, just personal preference, which will vary from atheist to atheist.
Personally I would never pray or pretend to pray, because to do so would be hypocritical. When with people who want to say grace before a meal, I simply wait quietly for them to finish. I have never been in the position of someone wanting me to link hands with them in a prayer chain, but I would not go along with that if it were ever to happen.
So I wouldn’t interfere with other people who wanted to pray, but I wouldn’t pretend to join in. I can’t imagine why anyone who was sincere in their religious belief would want someone to fake it anyway.
Posted: January 20th 2010
Dave Hitt www
It’s an individual thing, and I wouldn’t criticize fellow atheists for whatever they decide, unless they’re foolish enough to disrupt a prayer, which would be stupid and counterproductive. (And something I’ve never witnessed.)
Personally, if it’s difficult to avoid, I’ll bow my head and even, when necessary, hold hands, but wouldn’t actually say a prayer.
Other atheists deal with it differently. One of the cool things about atheism is you get to make personal decisions like this yourself, without having to do what some central authority demands.
Posted: January 20th 2010
logicel
No, it is not rude if an atheist declines to pray. It is more than rude that theists assume that everyone is religious. Some theists regard atheists as not really being atheists, but just theists in denial. If you are known as an atheist to your friends/family, and they still expect you to pray, well, I think you got a little problem on your hands.
In that case, you can gently and monotonously re-iterate that you have no belief in god(s). I put this kind of pushy religious behavior on the same obnoxious level of a hard drinker trying to ply me with drinks at a party or a bar gathering, because she is uncomfortable with my choosing a mineral water instead of her alcoholic preference.
If I am in a group where my atheism is unknown, what I do is I keep my head up, eyes open, and silently and intently watch the others praying, reminding myself how inane, silly, and delusional-not to mention mind-numbingly boring-religious beliefs are. I would not complete a prayer circle by holding hands.
If questioned about my actions, I would say that they are my own business and are not up for discussion. I would then change the topic. The only conversation regarding religion that I am interested in is a dispassionate discussion regarding all religions, from an psychological/historical/cultural stance.
If the conversation focused instead on the uncritical acceptance of a particular brand of religious beliefs (and the only experience I have ever had of this egregious behavior is from Christians and New Agers, and not from Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or Hindus), I would either state that I am leaving because I am bored with their nonsense or I would make up an excuse that is more socially acceptable like I need to wash my hair or call a close friend.
Posted: January 19th 2010
SmartLX www
A lot of believers certainly think it’s rude and needlessly passive-aggressive for an atheist not to pray in company. The relevant difference between an atheist and a Hindu or Buddhist is that an atheist doesn’t offend his/her own god by praying to another, perhaps only his/her own principles.
What’s really rude is disrupting other people’s prayers, for example talking over them or actively trying to halt or prevent them. Making a big show of not praying yourself can be just as bad, unfortunately.
No one can reasonably coerce you to worship if you don’t believe, but there are polite gestures you can make instead. If you’re at church for social reasons, you can stand, sit and even kneel when everyone else does without saying the prayers. At the table you can stay quiet while someone else says grace, which most believers do anyway. Even joining hands, while meaningful to the believers, is meaningless to you if you remember that it is.
Taking that last thought to its logical conclusion, actually saying the prayers themselves means little if you don’t mean what you say. Richard Dawkins has regularly and enthusiastically led the Latin prayer at Oxford’s Christmas dinner, saying that although he will not utter falsehoods he will happily utter gibberish.
It’s completely up to you to what extent you participate in religious ceremony, including prayer. It’s up to the people around you whether your level of participation or abstention is “rude”. It’s then up to you how much you care.
Posted: January 19th 2010